Wednesday, February 25, 2009

This is why I'm hot.

Ignore the title, I couldn't think of anything better.

Today I'm going to review, the Café Americano. For those of you not in the know or not fucking disgustingly addicted to caffeine, the Americano is a special drink in the land of coffee. You see, we could be old school and just get the regular black coffee of *insert blend* (or if you have no class, you probably drink Folger's or some instant shit and if that's the case, we have some serious beef, you might as well put mud into your cup and drink it...or visit your local dining hall and at least get it for free), but we decide to be all elitist and shit. Yes, we decide to get the Americano. It's a very middle of the road drink, it's not a pretentious Caramel Macchiato nor White Chocolate Mocha, it's just the Americano. Look at the fucking name, Americano, America, land of the free and various opportunist hobags. Yes, this is the drink of Americans who wish they were European but are glad to live here and drive big SUVs and vote Republican.

Wikipedia informs us that this drink is basically a shot(or two...or three..or twenty) of espresso that is then filled up with hot water thus diluting it. Since shots of espresso are intense, it's basically like drip coffee, but with that nice espresso flavor to it and a good caffeine kick. If you're a wimp-ass, you add milk and sugar(Disclaimer: I'm a wimp-ass). Good times.

But what makes this $2.30 drink so amazing? Let me break it down.

Aroma: Rich, nutty notes, some dirt but in a good way
Visual: Black, Light Brown color with the milk
Taste: Medium strength, smooth, nothing remarkable(this is Starbucks, keep in mind), better than canteen coffee.

Grade: B-B+

So what makes it so awesome? Nothing. It's just basic coffee that you drink when you don't want to have it dripped. It's more palatable to drink this when you want something that'll give you that espresso flavor without the intensity. I'd give it a higher grade, but I don't like Starbucks coffee that much.

Oh right, and brownie points for the ability to say you're drinking an Americano instead of "coffee." Yeah, you get to sound classy without really being classy. It's like drinking red wine from a box, but with significantly better taste and street cred.

I'm laughing now because this post is ridiculous.

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